Why i do what i do- part 1
Updated: Jul 11, 2022
By Kai Simmonds
I always knew I was a little different, I didn't fit in, and struggled with so many things, and want to make sure others don't have to feel that way....
There are so many things that are contradictory about me. I don't fit into boxes, I don't fit labels- so I created my own. I've never met a Self Love and Soul Purpose Coach growing up, but I wish I did! And here's how I became one.
“She is a Perfectionist, she will never be enough.”
This is who I was, and this is what I felt. I was perfectionist, people pleaser, and good girl. And was easily accepted into society- went to college, studied, got a good job. But I wasn't happy. I was insecure, anxious, confused, I had body image, health and mental health issues - and thought this was all normal! I thought it was normal to hate the way I looked, and work so hard to be perfect I burnt myself out.
I thought it was normal to starve myself and seek validation from others- it's not!
It leaves you feeling confused, anxious, overwhelmed, burnt out and you have no idea who you are because you are so busy trying to please people you never ask yourself what you want, who you are.
And then one day, it all exploded- with panic attacks and health issues, and that's when I realized I needed a change- I needed to start loving myself.
the self love journey
It's been years since those days, but I can still remember it like it was yesterday. I'll skip a few things and fast forward to the juicy parts- it was 2020 and COVID happened. My partner and I were stuck in a one- bedroom apartment and fighting non-stop- normal right? Not at all!
We loved each other so much but the fighting was unbearable, and finally I told him we needed professional help, a therapist. He was extremely resistant, but we did lots of research and tried several therapists until we found the one that fit us.
I'll never forget the first session I had with her and she told me that the root of all our issues and fighting was I didn't love myself. I was shocked, I had never heard this word before. She explained that I kept seeking validation from him and others instead of validating and loving myself - and that hit me like a bag of bricks. I had spent 29 years of my life trying to get others to love me but never asking me if I loved me, never telling myself that I was loveable and loved- by me.
self love is a practice
“How you love yourself, is how you love others”
The day after that happened I was a woman on a mission, to love the f*ck out of herself. I devoured books, explored new things and started journaling, taking time for me- and STARTED loving me. And not only did I flourish, but so did my relationship.
Whether you're single or in a relationship, I can't stress the importance of taking time out of your week and your day to make time for you. To find something that you love, to sit alone, to enjoy your own company, to get curious and explore and to find an outlet where you can connect to yourself.
For me its music, its dancing, its music and spirituality and as I started exploring and taking more time for me I found a new mission- finding out who I am and my soul purpose.
That is a story for another day- so stay tuned!
ready to start your self love journey?
If you're like me or feeling like you want to make a change in your life I'm here. I went through a lot of things to get to where I am- and know I want you to know that there's nothing wrong with you and you're not alone. I got you.
Wishing you lots of Aloha,